better to write for yourself and have no public than to write for the public and have no self.
~Cyril Connolly

I got to spend time today with my bestest ever friend, who lives in California now but was home for the holidays to visit her family. We've known each other for 15 years now. It's crazy to me that I've known her for more than half my life. It was wonderful to reconnect and have time to just sit and share life together. I wish we could do it more often.

Among the things that came up as we talked was blogging...we both mentioned how we really should do more of it, and I was reminded again of why I want to blog.

When I don't write about something, it's as if it never happened.

So when large chunks of my life go by and I haven't written anything, it's lost to me. I can't remember what happened, much less how I felt...thought...experienced.

I've lost a lot of the last few years to this whole chronic illness racket, and frankly, I'm tired of it. I want to fully experience my life - and to me, that means remembering. Remembering those moments, words, thoughts, and feelings that make up a life.

That's why I blog. I love the idea of online community and getting to know other word-lovers who share their hearts best by writing...but ultimately, even if no one reads, I need to write. It's almost as if I'm not me when I don't write. There are a few things in my life like that, and writing is one of them.

I'm realizing I need to be more faithful. Not faithful to do all those things I should be doing, but faithful to me. So when I'm not fully me when I don't write, I must write. I'm not fully me when I don't play my violin - and again, even if I never have an audience again, I must play.

I am realizing these things about myself. Hopefully, by writing it down here, I will remember.