In a dance, each partner influences the other. Subtle signals - a light touch here, a hand above the head, even a look in the eye - enable the seamless, beautiful lines that we admire.

Dancing would not work very well if each partner refused to be influenced by the other - if they felt that they had “the dance” all figured out by themselves.

Don’t we approach relationships like this so often though? If relationship is a dance, when was the last time you let someone influence you...really influence you? I grew up so determined to stubbornly resist peer pressure that I think sometimes I steel myself against any influence at all.

I was realizing this recently, in some conversations with a dear friend. It really felt like what I said mattered to her. She actually thought about it. She came back and talked about how what I said influenced her. I was taken aback. I’m not used to people letting me influence them...

...and that’s when I realized that it’s not often that I let someone influence me.

I started wondering if we can really have a relationship - a dance - if we’re each locked in our worlds of “having things figured out and doing just fine, thank you”. What is a relationship if it doesn’t involve thinking through life together, challenging each other, “as iron sharpens iron”?

These days, I find myself so different than I used to be. So different than many of my friends. We hold a lot of different beliefs, sometimes about things we all used to agree on. It is easy to feel like I need to constantly explain and even defend - but that short-circuits relationship.

Relationship says, “Even though I may disagree with you, I’ll listen to you. What you say matters. Even if it shakes me to the core, I’ll consider what you have to say. I’ll let you influence me.”

In the conversations with my friend, the more I realized how much what I said actually mattered to her, the more I shared. The more I felt free to be myself. The more I felt ... wanted.

Influence is an important part of the dance. If we refuse to be influenced by each other, if we feel like our words don’t matter to the other person, we start stumbling and tripping. Stepping on each other’s toes. Feeling like we’re walking on eggshells.

What would happen if you opened yourself up to be influenced by another person today? How might your relationships change? What words might you say that you’ve been holding back?