In September, I revamped my blog and began blogging regularly again. Towards the end of September, what is known as the "three month flare" that is common on the GAPS protocol began...I was exhausted, foggy, non-functioning for several weeks. (Ever notice that when I'm not doing well I don't write?)

About the time I began feeling better, we got notice that we had to move out of our house in December. Chaos ensued. Finding a new house was difficult; we put in applications on two homes but were too late - someone else got there first. We finally found a place, but it would need paint throughout almost the entire house, as many rooms were in strange colors.

We got into the new house over Thanksgiving weekend - spending 3, 12-hour days painting (plus a couple of very late evenings.) The first week of December was spent moving and cleaning.

Then we collapsed.

We are slowly settling in here, becoming at home, finding rest after the deluge of "must do now" that has accompanied our every moment for the past two months. Curtains are hung, pictures are on the wall, we're had friends over for dinner last night. Maybe survival mode is over and I can breathe?

Sometimes it feels like every time I start doing really well, outside forces combine to push me back into survival mode, just-getting-it-done mode, doing-whatever-I-have-to-do mode - and I lose me in all of that. Some people would just say that's life. I can't accept that. Sure, sometimes life happens. We had to move. We had to paint. There was a lot of work to do and we survived it.

But being that busy and crazy for several weeks made me realize how much I value NOT being busy. Normal life is pretty low key for us...and I like it that way. Many people deliberately fill up every evening, every moment, and then end up "surviving" their own choices.

I'm reminded again how much power we actually have over the type of life we live. There will always be things beyond our control of course, but much more is possible through the very act of volition that oftentimes we pretend we don't have. We act as victims, even victims of our own choices. How weird is that?

There's something about the end of the year that inspires reflection. I've never much been one for New Year's Resolutions, but I do tend to reflect about the past year as well as all that is awaiting me in the upcoming year...but I think that's another post. Suffice it to say that as I think about 2010 and all that it may hold, I am confronted with how much power we actually have over our own lives. I think that power scares us, which is why we're trying to constantly explain away all the things we don't like about our lives that we "can't do anything about."

Like I said, there are truly awful things that happen that we have no control over - but there is far, far more in the way we live our lives that we do have choices about. But to admit that means taking responsibility for those choices...and, well, it's easier not to.

It's easier to get depressed about how I am not playing music much anymore than it is to pick up my violin every day and practice.

It is easier to complain about being overweight and out of shape than to change how we eat and how often we work out.

It is easier to read other people's blogs and live vicariously through them then to sit down every day and write.

This post doesn't really have a conclusion...it's just a collection of some of the random thoughts in my head since the last time I blogged. Now that the craziness has settled down and I'm having more time to create the life I want, I plan to be around here more often.